Gateshead Mencap Society
Alien Jokes
What do aliens wear to posh weddings?
Space suits.

If Martians live on Mars and Venusians live on Venus,
who lives on Pluto?
Fleas. (Pluto is Mickey Mouse's dog!)

Did you hear about the man who was captured by extra-terrestrial teddy bears?
He had a close encounter of the furred kind.

Why are aliens messy tea-drinkers?
With flying saucers, it's hard not to spill it.

Why is an alien like a collection of famous actors' autographs?
They've both come from the stars.

What do you get if you cross a Martian with a golf score?
A little green bogey.

What are aliens' favourite sweets?
Martian-mallows.

Where do Martians get their eggs?
From the little green hen.

How can you stop aliens from charging?
Take away their credit cards.

Can an alien jump higher than than the millennium dome?
Yes, the millennium dome can't jump.

Why was the robot so silly?
He had a screw loose.

What's green and smells?
An alien’s bum.

Why did the alien sit on a bag of tomatoes?
He wanted to play squash.

How do you greet a three headed alien?
"Hello, Hello, Hello."

What do you call an alien in Trafalgar Square?
Lost.

Why did the boy become an astronaut?
Because he was no earthly good.

What do astronauts wear to keep warm?
Apollo-neck sweaters.

Where do astronauts leave their spaceships?
At parking meteors.

Where do Martians drink beer?
At a mars bar.

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rock-et.

Two astronauts went to a bar on the moon, but they left after a few minutes?
It had no atmosphere.

How do spacemen pass the time on long trips?
They play astronauts and crosses.

Where does Dr Who buy his cheese?
At a dalek-atessen.

Who is tall, dark and a great dancer?
Darth Raver.

Why did Captain Kirk go into the ladies toilet?
To boldly go where no man has been before.

First Spaceman: I'm hungry.
Second Spaceman: So am I, it must be launch time.

What do you call a loony spaceman?
An astronut.

What do you call a space magician?
A flying sorcerer!

I want to be an astronaut when I grow up.
What high hopes you have.

What do you call an overweight ET?
An extra cholesterol.

What did the metric alien say?
Take me to your litre.

What did the alien say to the petrol pump?
Don't you know its rude to stick your finger in your ear when I'm talking to you.

How does a robot shave?
With a laser blade.

What do you call a robot that always takes the longest route round?
R2 detour.

Do robots have sisters?
No, just transistors.

How do computers make sweaters?
On the interknit.

Why was the computer so thin?
Because it hadn't had many bytes.

Why did the cat sit on the computer?
To keep an eye on the mouse.

What holds the moon up?
Moon beams.

What does Dr. Who eat with his pizza?
Dalek bread