do you call someone with jelly in one ear
and custard in the other?
A trifle deaf.
A man was drowned eating his muesli the other day.
He was pulled in by a strong currant.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing. It just let out a little whine.
Why did the biscuit cry?
Because his dad had been a wafer so long.
How do you make an apple turnover?
Push it down a hill.
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit
Hot cross bunny.
Why was the mushroom invited to the party?
Because he's a fun-guy.
What is small, red and whispers?
A horse radish.
Why did the basil and ginger get thrown in jail?
Because the lemon grassed.
did the ants dance on the jam jar?
The lid said, "Twist to open."
A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian,
"Can I have a burger and fries?"
"Sorry, this is a library."
So the blonde whispers, "Oh, sorry. May I have
a burger and fries?"
What do you get when you mix beans and onions?
Why don't blondes eat pickles?
They can't get their heads in the jars.
The waiter askes the woman if she wants her pizza
cut into six or 12 slices.
"Six, please. I could never eat 12 slices."
A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in
each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril and mumbles,
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well."
The doctor replies, "You're just not eating right."
Why did the fisherman put peanut butter into the sea?
To go with the jellyfish
In which school do you learn to make ice cream?
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Why did the man stare at the can of orange juice?
Because it said ‘concentrate.
Why did the Jelly baby go to school?
He wanted to be a smartie!
does Bob Marley like his donuts?
do the French like to eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food!
What do dinosaurs put on their chips?
What's white and fluffy and swings through the jungle.
shouldn't you tell an egg a joke?
Because it might crack up!
got a crocodile named Ginger."
"Does Ginger bite?"
"No, Ginger snaps"
What do you call cheese that is sad?
do you get a mouse to smile?
do you call cheese that isn't yours?
is the most religious cheese?
Swiss, because it is holy.
did the dairy farmer go on a diet?
She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
do you get when you cross and smurf and a cow?
is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese?
did the cheesy Bible start with?
Edam and Eve.
hotel do mice stay in ?
cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
cheese should you use to hide a horse?
Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution?
is the Richest Cheese in the world?
do you call an oriental cheese?
the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain?
Camembert (Come On Bear)
early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse
gets the cheese.
cheese gets its picture taken what does it say?
doctor, I keep thinking I'm a slice of bread.
Stop loafing around.
What looks just like half a loaf of bread?
The other half.
Did you hear the story about the loaf of bread?
Loaves of bread walked across the road.
One got hit by a bus. The other one said "Oh
is a bakers favorite Beatles song?
Loaf is all you knead.
doesn't anyone want to work in a bakery?
It's a crumby place to work.
was going to start a bakery but I couldn't raise the