Gateshead Mencap Society

Musical Extravaganza
by ace reporter Ivan Inkling

In November we all went to the Shipcote City Hall to see the sensational seventies pop band Sweet Showaddy Rollers. They say they are wonderful, especially for people who don't get out much. We booked a box near the stage overlooking the stalls. Mandy lifebote and Isabelle Tolling sat in the front row. Mandy is very tall and Isabelle unfortunately has a very bad case of acne.

There was a roar from the audience as Les McClown came on stage with his zimmer frame and they screamed with delight when Romeo Chandelier waved his walking stick at them.
Their first song was "Bye Bye Little Angel Eyes". The audience was in raptures. Hundreds of feet stomped out the rhythm. Lead singer Andy Pillows couldn't stop his wig from bobbing up and down to the beat. We could feel the floor vibrating beneath us. Grown men and women had tears in their eyes as they recalled the days of their youth.

"Summerlove Heartbeat" was the next song they performed. Everyone got up and started to dance. From our box we could see the whole grand circle shaking. We thought it was going to collapse as one very large lady in the front row was jumping so much. Fortunately the security men got to her just in time and they kindly told her there was a much better seat on the ground floor. We all heaved a sigh of relief as it seemed a disaster had been averted.

They continued with all their hits and the audience continued to dance to the music. Mandy Lifebote was dancing along until Warrick Racker poked her in the ribs because he couldn't see the stage. Startled Mandy spat out her chewing gum which landed in the hair of a very irate lady in the stalls below. Before we knew it the lady was up in our box demanding to have it out with poor Mandy. She lashed out at Mandy who unfortunately fell against Isabelle. This caused a huge spot on Isabelle's chin to issue forth a large amount of yellow matter which went directly into the eye of the lady.

Unfortunately the lady took a shorter route back to the stalls below as she lost her balance and fell. An ambulance came to take her to the hospital along with the four people she fell on.

The band carried on playing and the audience continued to dance and scream until the interval. Then just about everyone in the theatre rushed to the foyer to buy ice cream. There was a stampede in the corridor and some people were trampled underfoot. The staircase was crowded but very tall Mandy spotted a door for staff only.

We decided to risk going through it and it led to a staircase. We went down the stairs which led to another door. To our surprise it led to the Green Room where the Band were having their break. They very kindly asked us to join them for drinks and canapes.

We were all enjoying our time with the band when there was a knock on the door. "That's our cue for the second half." said Les McClown. But a little man popped his head round the door and said that the second half had been cancelled because there had been too many injuries during the interval. A dozen ambulances were called to take them all to hospital. The band were very disappointed but thought we shouldn't let it spoil our evening. We all gave out a cheer and continued to party through the night.

Everyone thought they'd had the time of their lives but they really just couldn't remember.