Gateshead Mencap Society
Funny Signs

Sign in a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.


Sign in a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS.

Sign in an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.


Sign outside a farm:

HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF.
Sign seen at the side of a Sussex road:

SLOW CATTLE CROSSING.
NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.



Sign i n an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
Sign on a church door:

THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)


Sign outside a disco:

SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME.
Sign outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?


Sign warning of quicksand:

QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.

 
Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.



  Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish:

DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LITTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER.

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:

ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.

Message on a leaflet:

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.


Sign on motorway garage:

PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.

Sign seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.

Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

Sign seen in a Japanese hotel:

YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAIMBERMAID

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:

LADIES MAY HAVE A FIT UPSTAIRS

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:

DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR BEST RESULTS

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR

In a Budapest zoo:

PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY

In a hotel in Athens:

VISITORS ARE EXPECTED TO COMPLAIN AT THE OFFICE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 9 AND 11AM DAILY.

Notice in a field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.


Sign on a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)