May, despite several requests from members, the committee
went ahead and organised a sports day. They hired
the extremely undulating and quaintly sloping Bensham
and district municipal field for the afternoon.
over eighties mens twenty-five metres was the first
event of the day. Anna Recksik fired the starting
pistol but unfortunately
the contestants hobbled all over the place. Anna scratched
her head for a moment then she realised what was wrong.
She promptly went to the hardware store and came back
with a huge tin of paint. She then painted white lines
on the grass.
the competitors knew where they were going so Anna
fired the pistol again. They all shuffled towards
the winning post except for Terry Cotter who was so
startled by the noise of the gun he collapsed in a
heap. The para-medic, Avery Niceman, was there in
a flash but he was too late to save Terry. He was
the first fatality of the afternoon. Seymour Legg
eventually won the race in a record time of thirteen
minutes twelve seconds.
The egg and spoon race was next. It got off to a good
start but soon Amanda Lynne went flying ahead of the
rest and was first past the winning post. Unfortunately
she was disqualified. At the judges enquiry it was
decided that fried eggs were not allowed.
Up next was the ladies three-legged hurdles. The contestants
tied their legs together and lined up at the starting
line. They didn't notice that mischievous Hugo Furst
had tied each pair to the next so they were all tied
together. Well you can imagine the chaos that ensued.
The contestants fell all over each other. Two very
large ladies fell on poor old Annie Versary and she
died of asphyxiation. Constable Colin Allcars had
a quiet word with Hugo who promised not to do it again.
next event was the sack race. Soon after the start
Mona Lott stumbled into Philippa Bucket knocking her
fase teeth out. Deaf old Mona had misheard the instructions
and instead of getting into the sack she had pulled
it over her head so she couldn't see where she was
Meanwhile in the middle of the field the other events
were taking place. The javelin went off very well
with a minimum of casualties and the shot put only
wounded two spectators. We were not so lucky, however,
with the hammer throwing. The extremely large Mr.
Evan Elpuss went into a fast spin and let go of the
hammer too early. The entire front row of spectators
received injuries. Avery Niceman was so busy he almost
ran out of elastoplasts.
came the Tug of War. Two teams of very big people
were assembled. The teams took the strain and the
rope tightened. Unfortunately the rope was not as
strong as the teams and when it snapped the contestants
rolled everywhere. Gerry Mander rolled into the judges
table which smashed into pieces. Bits went flying
into the air and we were very lucky only three spectators
had to be taken to hospital.
prize giving ceremony went almost according to plan
and some winners actually got the right trophies.
Everyone congratulated the committee on their organisational
skills and pleaded with them to hold another one next