Gateshead Mencap Society
What Do You? Jokes

What do you call....

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Dug.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.

What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack.

What do you call a man who comes through your letterbox?
Bill.

What do you call a man who comes through a student’s letterbox?
Grant.

What do you call a man in a pile of leaves?
Russell.

What do you call a man at the side of a house?
Ali.

What do you call a man checking your homework?
Mark.

What do you call a man doing exercises?
Jim.

What do you call a man with a raincoat?
Mac.

What do you call a man with a large raincoat?
Big Mac.

What do you call a man with 2 raincoats?
Max.

What do you call a man with a toilet on his head?
Lou.

What do you call a woman with two toilets on her head
Lulu.

What do you call a cow that plays the guitar?
A Moosician.

What do you call a woman who likes to sing christmas songs?
Carol.

What do you call a woman with a cat on her head?
Kitty.

What do you call a man with a crane on his head?
Derek.

What do you call a guy who does well in the stock market?
Rich.

What do you call a man with a car number plate on his head?
Reg.

What do you call a ninety year old aunt?
An antique.

What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
Lily.

What do you call a lady magician?
Trixie.

What do you call a man with legal documents on his head?
Will.

What do you call a man with a duck on his head?
Donald.

What do you call a bee which is born in the month of May?
A maybee.

What do you call a camel with three humps?
Humphrey.

What do you call a woman with a nut tree on her head?
Hazel.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

What do you call a man who is in debt?
Owen.

What do you call a guy who is a lookout for the Coast Guard?
Seymour.

What do you call a guy who's been attacked by a lion?
Claude.

What do you call a guy who likes to read road maps?
Miles.

What do you call a guy who plants rice?
Paddy.

What do you call a guy who is not crazy?
Norm.

What do you call a guy who likes meat, potatoes, and vegetables?
Stu.

What do you call a guy who's been hung up on the wall?

Art.

What do you call a guy who grows vegetables?
Herb.


What do you call a guy who bows down before the king?
Neil.


What do you call a guy who gets walked all over?
Matt.

What do you call a guy who has been struck by lightning?
Rod.

What do you call a guy who makes diamond rings?
Jules.

What do you call a guy who grows in a garden?
Bud.

What do you call a woman with a sheep on her head?
Baa-baa-ra.

What do you call a girl with sausages on her head?
Barbie.

What do you call a girl who grows in a garden?
Ivy.

What do you call a girl with a wooden leg?
Peggy.

What do you call a girl who has a lot of spare change?
Penny.

What do you call a girl who likes to work in the garden?
Fern.


What do you call a girl who likes to eat all the time?
Dinah.

What do you call a girl who likes to play hide and seek?
Heidi.

What do you call a girl who likes to eat sweets?
Candy.

What do you call a girl who is always taking people to court?
Sue.

What do you call a girl who likes a lot of butter on her bread?
Marge.

What do you call a girl who works in the Church steeple?
Belle.

What do you call a girl who complains a lot?
Mona.

What do you call a woman who gambles a lot?
Bette.

What do you call a girl who likes Gypsies?
Crystal.

What do you call a girl who has one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, it won't come.

What do you call a man with little coloured sweets in his pocket?
Smarty pants.

What do you get if....

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo?
A stripy jumper.

What do you get if you cross a bumble bee with a rabbit?
A honey bunny.

What do you get if you cross a worm with an elephant?
Great big holes in your garden.

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with 4 leaf clover?
A rash of good luck.

What do you get if you cross an artist with a policeman?
A brush with the law.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks.

What do you get if you cross a hedgehog with a giraffe?
A long necked toothbrush.

What do you get if you cross a snowman and a shark?
Frostbite.

What do you get if you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper.

What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a flower?
I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it.

What do you get if you cross a mouse with an elephant?
Big holes in your skirting board.

What do you get if you cross a cow with a duck?
Milk & quackers.

What do you get if you cross a canary with a mole?
A miner bird.

What do you get if you cross a cat with a lemon?
A sourpuss.

What do you get if you cross a fawn with a hornet?
Bambee.

What do you get if you cross a spider with a rabbit?
A hare net.

What do you get if you cross an owl with a goat?
A hootenanny.

What do you get if you cross an Indian with a cow?
Geronimoo.

What do you get if you cross a dog with a daisy?
A collie-flower.

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer!

What do you get if you cross a potato with an onion?
A potato with watery eyes.

What do you get if you cross a dog with a chicken?
A hen that lays pooched eggs.

What do you get if you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that bites your leg off then runs for help.

What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a sheep?
A very nice wool coat, except the sleeves are too long.

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!

What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?
Bugs Bunny.

What do you get if you cross a stream and a brook?
Wet feet.

What do you get if you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?
A rash of good luck.