super charity disco night was a tremendous success.
It was held at the Bensham and District Gas Works
Community Hall. The committee decided to put Helen
Highwater on the door so it was impossible to get
in without a ticket. Helen was told especially to
watch out for Ed Banger as he was a known trouble
D. J. Oliver Suddin started the proceedings with his
Lugblaster Disco. He played all the old favourites
and when the Birdie Song came on everyone got up to
dance. It was so crowded that Faye McAdammy was pushed
off the dance floor and knocked over a table full
of drinks. Grace Quirroll was not amused as she got
soaked. She let fly with her walking stick which smashed
into Oliver's disco lights. Broken glass rained down
on the dance floor. There was blood everywhere. Most
of the people had major cuts and gashes but it was
OK as Avery Niceman was there with his first aid kit.
8.37pm the supper arrived. This time it was everyone's
favourite, tripe and onions. There was a mad rush
to get in the queue and Wendy Winblows was crushed
between two very large ladies. She was given mouth
to mouth by Avery Niceman but she did not survive
the incident. She was the first fatality of the night.
Eventually everyone was served and they all sat and
enjoyed their very special meal. Everyone, that is,
except a bearded stranger.
were shocked that there was someone who didn't actually
like tripe. They were all curious as to who this stranger
was and why he had come to their charity disco. The
stranger took a doggy bag out of his pocket and put
the tripe and onions into it. Everyone breathed a
sigh of relief as it appeared he was going to take
it home for later.
the interval the disco resumed. Oliver played all
the popular songs and when he played The Music Man
the dance floor was crowded again. Then the unthinkable
happened. The bearded stranger took the tripe out
of the doggy bag and slung it all over the dance floor.
Well tripe is a very slippery substance and the dancers
slid about all over the place. The stranger watched
with great amusement at first but soon made his way
to the exit before anyone realized who was responsible.
He did not, however, manage to get to the door as
Freda Livery's zimmer frame went crashing into the
back of his head. The force knocked his glasses and
beard clean off. Helen Highwater could not believe
her eyes. She realized that the stranger was none
other than Ed Banger in a very clever disguise. How
did he manage to get past her at the door?. Police
constable Colin Allcars arrived to apprehend Ed Banger
but he was too late. The blow to the back of Ed's
head had caused him to choke on his false teeth. He
was the second fatality of the evening.
Oliver kept on playing his records and the dancers
were still sliding all over the dance floor and of
course perfectly in time with the music. Everyone
enjoyed the evening very much, especially as they
had aquired new dancing skills. The committee are
hopeful that synchronised tripe dancing will be included
as a competitive sport in the next Olympics.