super charity disco night was a tremendous success. It was held
at the Bensham and District Gas Works Community Hall. The committee
decided to put Helen Highwater on the door so it was impossible
to get in without a ticket. Helen was told especially to watch
out for Ed Banger as he was a known trouble maker.
D. J. Oliver Suddin started the proceedings with his Lugblaster
Disco. He played all the old favourites and when the Birdie
Song came on everyone got up to dance. It was so crowded that
Faye McAdammy was pushed off the dance floor and she knocked
over a table full of drinks. Grace Quirroll was not amused as
she got soaked. She let fly with her walking stick which smashed
into Oliver's disco lights. Broken glass rained down on the
dance floor. There was blood everywhere. Most of the people
had major cuts and gashes but it was OK as Avery Niceman was
there with his first aid kit.
8.37pm the supper arrived. This time it was everyone's favourite,
tripe and onions. There was a mad rush to get in the queue and
Wendy Winblows was crushed between two very large ladies. She
was given mouth to mouth by Avery Niceman but she did not survive
the incident. She was the first fatality of the night. Eventually
everyone was served and they all sat and enjoyed their very
special meal. Everyone, that is, except for a bearded stranger.
were shocked that there was someone who didn't actually like
tripe. They were all curious as to who this stranger was and
why he had come to their charity disco. The stranger took a
doggy bag out of his pocket and put the tripe and onions into
it. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief as it appeared he was
going to take it home for later.
the interval the disco resumed. Oliver played all the popular
songs and when he played The Music Man the dance floor was crowded
again. Then the unthinkable happened. The bearded stranger took
the tripe out of the doggy bag and slung it all over the dance
floor. Well tripe is a very slippery substance and the dancers
slid about all over the place. The stranger watched with great
amusement at first but soon made his way to the exit before
anyone realized who was responsible. He did not, however, manage
to get to the door as Freda Livery's zimmer frame went crashing
into the back of his head.
force knocked his glasses and false beard clean off. Helen Highwater
could not believe her eyes. She realized that the stranger was
none other than Ed Banger in a very clever disguise. How did
he manage to get past her at the door?. Police constable Colin
Allcars arrived to apprehend Ed Banger but he was too late.
The blow to the back of Ed's head had caused him to choke on
his false teeth. He was the second fatality of the evening.
Oliver kept on playing his records and the dancers were still
sliding all over the dance floor and of course perfectly in
time with the music. Everyone enjoyed the evening very much,
especially as they had acquired new dancing skills. The committee
are hopeful that synchronized tripe dancing will be included
as a competitive sport in the next Olympics.