Gateshead Mencap Society

Elephant Jokes

What did the grape say to the elephant?
Nothing, grapes can't talk.

What do elephants do for laughs?
They tell people jokes.

How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't, you get down from a goose.

What did the cat say to the elephant?
Meow.

Who is the most famous male singing elephant?
Harry Elephanty.

Who is the most famous female singing elephant?
Elephants Gerald.

How can you tell when an elephant has been in your fridge?
Look for elephant tracks in the butter.

How can you tell when an elephant is under your bed?
Your nose is squashed against the ceiling.

Why don't elephants ride bikes?
They don't have a thumb to ring the bell.

How do elephants travel?
By ele-copter.

What do you get if you cross a fish with an elephant?
Swimming trunks

How can you tell if there is an elephant in your sandwich?
It's too heavy to lift.

How do you know that peanuts are fattening?
Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?

How do you make an elephant laugh?
Tickle its ivories.

How do you make an elephant float?
Take 2 scoops of ice cream and add one elephant.

How do you make an elephant fly?

Buy it an airline ticket.

What do you call an elephant in a telephone box?
Stuck!

How do you know if an elephant is visiting your house?
His bicycle will be parked outside.

How long should an elephant's legs be?
Long enough to reach the ground.

What do you get if you cross a river with an elephant?
Get to the other side.

What do you give an elephant with big feet?
Plenty of space.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a bat?
Collapsed belfries.

What do you get if you cross a zebra with an elephant?
A traffic jam.

How do you get an elephant down from a tree?
Put him on a leaf and wait until autumn.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a biscuit?
Crumbs.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a bee?
Squashed flowers.

What should you do to a blue elephant?
Cheer it up.

What should you do to a red elephant?
Stop telling it dirty jokes

What should you do to a yellow elephant?
Teach it to be brave.

What should you do with a green elephant?
Wait until it gets ripe.

How do elephants get in touch with one another?
By elephone.

How do elephants get up trees?
They sit on an acorn and wait for it to grow.

If you see an elephant in your car, what time is it?
Time to get a new car.

How do elephants have a bath?
They take their trunks off.

How do elephants smell without their trunks?
Awful!

How do you get 4 elephants into a Mini?
Two in the front, and two in the back.

How do you get 4 giraffes into a Mini?
You can't! Its full up with elephants.

What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
Lost!

What kind of elephants live in the North Pole?
Cold Ones.

How do you get a tablecloth from under an elephant?
Wait for the elephant to get up.

Why are elephants wrinkled?
Have you ever tried to iron one?

What's grey and doesn't get wet when it rains?
An elephant with an umbrella!

Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
So they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.

Why do elephants wear trainers?
So you can't hear them when they jump out of cherry trees.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So you can't see them when they hide in cherry trees.

How do you get an elephant into a match-box?
Take all the matches out first.

How do you get an elephant into a phone box?
Open the door.

How do you get rid of an old elephant?
Put it in a jumbo sale.

What weighs 5 tons and wears glass slippers?
Cinderelephant.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a Boy Scout?
An elephant who helps little old ladies across the road.

Why was the elephant wearing pink tennis shoes?
They didn't have white ones in his size.

Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?
They couldn't keep their trunks up.

Why don't elephants like penguins?
They can't get the wrapper off.

Why does an elephant wear trainers?
So that he can sneak up on mice!

What's grey and moves at a hundred miles an hour?
A jet propelled elephant!

How do you keep an elephant from smelling?
Tie a knot in his trunk.

What do you call an elephant that flies?
A jumbo jet.

What's grey and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds?
An elephant with hiccups.

What was the elephant doing on a motorway?
About 5 miles per hour.

What's grey, has four legs and jumps up and down?
An elephant on a trampoline!