Gateshead Mencap Society

Some space and technology jokes that are off the planet.

If Martians live on Mars and Venusians live on Venus, who lives on Pluto?
Fleas. (Pluto is Mickey Mouse's dog!)

Did you hear about the man who was captured by extra-terrestrial teddy bears?
He had a close encounter of the furred kind.

What do aliens wear to posh weddings?
Space suits.

Why are aliens messy tea-drinkers?
With flying saucers, it's hard not to spill it.

Why was the robot so silly?
He had a screw loose.

What's green and smells?
An alien’s bum.

I was up all night wondering where The Sun had gone, then it dawned on me

Why is an alien like a collection of famous actors' autographs?
They've both come from the stars.

What are aliens' favourite sweets?

What is an astronauts favourite key on the keyboard?
The space bar!

How can you stop aliens from charging?
Take away their credit cards.

Can an alien jump higher than than the millennium dome?
Yes, the millennium dome can't jump.

Why did the alien sit on a bag of tomatoes?
He wanted to play squash.

How do you greet a three headed alien?
"Hello, Hello, Hello."

What do you call an alien in Trafalgar Square?

Why did the boy become an astronaut?
Because he was no earthly good.

What do astronauts wear to keep warm?
Apollo-neck sweaters.

Where does Dr Who buy his cheese?
At a dalek-atessen.

What is an astronauts favourite dance?
The moonwalk.

Where do Martians drink beer?
At a mars bar.

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rock-et.

What do you call an overweight ET?
An extra cholesterol.

Who is tall, dark and a great dancer?
Darth Raver.

What do you call a loony spaceman?
An astronut.

What does an astronaut do when he gets angry?
He blasts off!

What holds the moon up?
Moon beams.

Two astronauts went to a bar on the moon,
but they left after a few minutes?
It had no atmosphere.

I want to be an astronaut when I grow up.
What high hopes you have.

Do robots have sisters?
No, just transistors.

What do you call a robot that always takes the longest route round?
R2 detour.

First Spaceman: I'm hungry.
Second Spaceman: So am I, it must be launch time.

What did the computer do at lunchtime?
Had a byte!

What does a baby computer call his father?

Why did Captain Kirk go into the ladies toilet?
To boldly go where no man has been before.

What does Doctor Who eat with his pizza?
Dalek bread

What do you get when you cross a computer and a life guard?
A screensaver!

Where do all the cool mice live?
In their mousepads!

What did the spider do on the computer?
Made a website!

What do you call a space magician?
A flying sorcerer

Why was the computer cold?
It left it's Windows open!

What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant?
A: Lots of memory!

How do spacemen pass the time on long trips?
They play astronauts and crosses.

What did the alien say to the petrol pump?
Its rude to stick your finger in your ear when I'm talking to you.

How does a robot shave?
With a laser blade.

I went to a space restaurant the other day.
The food was out of this world

Why did the cat sit on the computer?
To keep an eye on the mouse.

Which farm animal was the first in space?
A cow – it jumped over the moon.

What kind of music do planets sing?

Why did the computer keep sneezing?
A: It had a virus!

What do Martians serve their dinner on?
Flying Saucers.

Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?
He was trying to find Pluto.

Why did the cows go into outer space?
To visit the Milky Way.

How do you get a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket.

Where do aliens park their UFO’s?
Next to a parking meteor.