Gateshead Mencap Society

Get your fill of these food jokes

Why did the biscuit cry?
Because his dad had been a wafer so long.

How do you make an apple turnover?
Push it down a hill.

What do you call someone with jelly in one ear and custard in the other?
A trifle deaf.

Why was the mushroom invited to the party?
Because he's a fun-guy.

Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.

What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunny.

What’s the best thing to put into a cake?
Your teeth.

The waiter asks the woman if she wants her pizza cut into six or 12 slices.
"Six, please. I could never eat 12 slices."

Why did the basil and ginger get thrown in jail?
Because the lemon grassed.

Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
The lid said, "Twist to open."

What swings from cake to cake?

Why do the French like to eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food!
A man was drowned eating his muesli the other day.
He was pulled in by a strong currant.

Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese!

A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril and mumbles, "Doctor, I'm not feeling well."
The doctor replies, "You're just not eating right."

What do you get when you mix beans and onions?
Tear gas.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a slice of bread.
Stop loafing around.

Why did the man stare at the can of orange juice?
Because it said ‘concentrate.

Why did the Jelly baby go to school?
He wanted to be a smartie!

What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing. It just let out a little whine.

In which school do you learn to make ice cream?
Sundae School.

What do you call cheese that is sad?
Blue cheese.

Why couldn’t the teddy eat the pancake?
He was stuffed.

Why couldn’t the pancake sing?
He was too flat.

How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
With Jamin!

"I've got a crocodile named Ginger.
"Does Ginger bite?"
"No, Ginger snaps"

What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese!

What do dinosaurs put on their chips?

What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese?

Who did the cheesy Bible start with?
Edam and Eve.

What's white and fluffy and swings through the jungle.
A meringue-utan!

Which is the most religious cheese?
Swiss, because it is holy.

What cheese surrounds a medieval castle?

Which type of birthday cake candle burns longer, a red candle or a blue one?
Neither, they both only burn shorter.

What looks just like half a loaf of bread?
The other half.

Two Loaves of bread walked across the road.
One got hit by a bus. The other one said "Oh Crumbs!"

I was going to start a bakery but I couldn't raise the dough

What’s better than a good friend?
A good friend with chocolate

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

When cheese gets its picture taken what does it say?

How do you know you’re too old for birthday cake?
When the candles cost more than the cake.

My sister said onions are the only food that makes you cry so I threw a coconut at her

Why did the schoolboy eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.

What do you call the king of vegetables?
Elvis Parsley.

How do you make a sausage roll?
Push it down a hill!

What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers

What is green, small and round and goes up and down?
A pea in a lift.

What cheese should you use to hide a horse?

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple.