Gateshead Mencap Society

A joke for all seasons
Spring is in the air with these jokes

How excited was the gardener about spring?
So excited he wet his plants.

If worms took over the world would it be Global Worming.

Why couldn’t the flower ride its bike?
It lost its petals.

What do you get when you plant kisses?

How does a bee brush its hair?
With its honeycomb.

What month of the year is the shortest?
May – it only has 3 letters.

What kind of garden does a baker have?
A flour” garden

What season is it best to go on a trampoline?
Spring time!

How do you tell someone winter is over?
You spring it on them!

What did the florist say when it was springtime?
Business is blooming!

What’s the freshest herb you can find in April?

Why is the letter A like a flower?
A bee comes after it!

What did the tree when spring arrived?
What a re-leaf.

What is a spring chick after it is five months old?
A: Six months old.

Why do monkeys fall from the sky in spring?
Because of the ape-ril showers.

I thought I heard the spring onions singing Bee Gees songs in my fridge. When I opened the door it was just the chives talking.

Should you plant flowers in any month besides April?
May as well!

Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
Because they've just finished a long, 31 day March!

What bow cannot be tied
A rainbow
What do you call a mushroom who is the life of the party?
A fun-gi.

Do you know all about April 1st?
Yes, I’m fooly aware of it!

What’s a baby chick’s favourite plant?

What is it when it rains chickens and ducks?
Foul weather!

What do you call a well-dressed animal?
A dandy lion!

How do you know that bees are happy?
Because they hum while they work.

Who is an herb’s favourite singer?
Elvis Parsley!
It's summer time with these hot jokes

How do you prevent a summer cold?
Catch it in the winter!

What do bees say in summer?
It’s swarm, isn’t it?!

X Factor: The original Roman sun cream.

Why do bananas use sun cream?
So they don’t peel!

What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on holiday!

Where do sheep go on their holidays?
To the Baa-hamas!

Where do sharks go on holiday?
To Finland!

What letter is the coolest?
Iced T!

Why did the elephants get kicked out of the pool?
They kept dropping their trunks.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks!

Reading while you sunbathe makes you well red!

What does a mermaid use to call her friends?
A shell phone.

What happens if you throw a red sun hat in the water?
It gets wet!

What did the sea say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved!

What’s black and white and red all over?
A zebra with a sunburn!

What do you call six weeks of rain in Scotland?

What did the beach say when the tide came in?
Long time no sea!

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

What do you call a cat at the beach?
Sandy Claws

What do sheep do on a hot summer day?
Have a baa-baa-que!

“My son came to visit for summer holiday.”
“How nice! Did you meet him at the airport?”
“Oh, no. I've known him for years!

What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate

What is grey has four legs and a trunk?
A mouse going on holiday!

What do you call a dog on the beach on a hot summer day?
A hot dog!

What summer holiday destination makes a pet bird sing for joy?
The Canary Islands!

Owls prefer to mate in the summer because in the winter when it rains it’s too wet to woo.
Why do fish swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

Why didn't the elephant buy a suitcase for his summer holiday?
Because he already had a trunk!

When the Autumn leaves fall these jokes will pick you up

What did one autumn leaf say to another? I’m falling for you!

What is red, orange and yellow and doesn’t get hurt when it falls? Autumn leaves!

How does an Elephant get out of a tree?
Sits on a leaf and waits till Autumn!

Why do all the birds fly south in the autumn?
Because it’s too far to walk

What month do trees hate the most?

What name would you give to a large colourful pile of leaves?
The Great Barrier Leaf.

Did you hear about the tree who deserted the forest at the end autumn, He was absent without leaves!

If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone’s favourite season?

What do you call a man in the pile of leaves?

What did the oak tree say when autumn came around? Leaf me alone.

What kind of vest should you wear in the autumn? A har-vest!

Why did Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Warm up your winter with these jokes

What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?
“Have an ice day!”

What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?

What can you catch with your eyes closed?
A cold

What do you call a snowman on roller blades?
A snowmobile.

Where do snowmen love to dance?
At a snow ball

What do you call a snowman tantrum?
A meltdown

What is a snowman’s favourite breakfast?
Ice Krispies

How do mountains stay warm?

Grandma’s been staring through the window ever since it started to snow. If it gets any worse I’ll have to let her in

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

What do you call a snowman in August?
A puddle

What’s a snowman’s favourite drink?
Ice Tea

What did the snowman say to his customer?
Have an ice day

How do snowmen greet one another?
They say “Ice to meet you”

What did the icy road say to the car?
Want to go for a spin?

How does a snowman travel?
He rides an icicle!

How do you prevent a Summer cold?
Catch it in the Winter!

What’s a snowman’s favourite lunch?
An ice-burger.

What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Can you smell carrot?

What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!

Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose!