Gateshead Mencap Society

These jokes about hobbies will keep you amused

I used to like origami but I gave up as there was too much paperwork.

My hobbies are knitting and swimming but the wool gets soggy.

I needed a hobby so I decided to take up fencing.
My neighbours were furious.

What time do tennis players go to bed?

What lights up a football pitch at night?
A football match!

Why didn't the dog play football?
It was a boxer.

I just started baking lessons.
Up to now it’s a piece of cake.

My exercising equipment has a hobby
It collects dust

My Dad grows herbs as a hobby.
He has too much Thyme on his hands.

I took up picking locks as a hobby.
It's opened a lot of doors for me.

Every day I spend a few hours on a running machine. Next week I might even turn it on.

My hobby was skiing but it went downhill fast.

Did you hear about the skydiving club that closed?
The members kept falling out.

I was thinking of doing yoga so I rang the leisure centre and they asked me if I was flexible.
I said "yes I can do anytime except for Tuesday's"

We moved our treadmill outside so I can smoke.

I used to work for an origami company until it folded.

I took up snail racing as a hobby. I thought removing their shells would make them go faster but it just made them sluggish.

As a hobby I started taking walks around the old clock tower.
It’s a great way to pass the time.

You need to be so careful when you're hot air ballooning.
It's easy to get carried away

My hobby used to be whale watching. I give it up because I just couldn't see the porpoise.

What is a spider’s favourite hobby?
Surfing the web.

Did you hear about the overweight man who spent his spare time in a casino?
He heard it was the quickest way to lose pounds.

I tried water polo but my horse drowned.

I recently took up blindfold archery.
I didn't know what I was missing.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.

Doing yoga got me out of the habit of biting my fingernails.
Now I bite my toenails.

If you win three games of Twister in a row you're automatically a yoga instructor.

What does Iron Man do in his spare time?
He irons clothes.

What android team won the Olympic water sports?
The rowbots!

I went to a climbing club the other day but someone had stolen all the grips from the wall. You couldn't make it up.

I had an art contest with my friend.
It ended in a draw.

I missed a couple of my cooking classes.
Now I have some ketchup to do.

Why do we paint Easter eggs?
Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them.

Why did the ants dance on jam jars?
Because the label said ‘twist to open’.

I used to make furniture out of plants.
It was no bed of roses.

How many line dance instructors does it take to change a light bulb?

I named my dog Miles so I can tell people that I walk Miles every single day.

A friend of mine collects blunt pencils.
I find that a bit pointless.

Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of pants?
In case they get a hole in one!

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60….. Now he’s 97 years old and we don’t know where he is.

Saw eleven flies playing cricket in a saucer earlier. They’re playing in the cup at the weekend.

Why is the Incredible Hulk such a good gardener?
He's got green fingers.

Getting my kite stuck in a tree isn't my favourite thing.
But it's up there.

Why didn't Noah do much fishing on the ark?
He only had two worms.

What's the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?
The ground.

I'm great at identifying birds.
OK, what are those in that tee?
Yes, they are definitely all birds.

Why can’t Cinderella play football?
Because she always runs away from the ball.

I had to give up my photography hobby.
I kept losing focus.