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What do
you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, it can't hear you!
If a monkey
has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other
hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
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What
do you use to fix a broken ape?
A monkey wrench.
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What
kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee. |
What
do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A Ba-BOOM!
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What
do you say to an angry orangutan?
Nothing, you just run!
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What do monkeys do for laughs?
They tell jokes about people.
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What
do you call a monkey with 8 legs?
A Spider Monkey!
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What
do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
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How
do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
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What do
you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
What do
you call a monkey that wins every race?
A chimpion!
Where
do chimps get their gossip?
On the ape vine!
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Why
don't monkeys play cards in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs!
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Why
do gorillas have such big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
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When
do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
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What
kind of monkey flies?
A hot air baboon!
What
kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
What's
an ape's favourite pop group?
Bananarama!
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What
do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
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What
kind of monkey flies?
A hot air baboon!
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How
do you make a green orangutan?
Cross a blue one with a yellow one!
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Why did
the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
Mummy,
Mummy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!"
"Shut up and comb your face!"
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What
did the banana say to the orangutan?
Nothing, bananas don't talk! |
What's
black and dangerous and lives in a tree?
A gorilla with a machine gun
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When
is the best time to see gorillas in the wild?
In Ape-ril (April)!
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What
do monkeys wear when they are cooking?
Ape-rons!
What
kind of a key opens a banana?
A monkey!
If
you throw a monkey into Lake Windermere what will it become?
Wet!
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What
happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?
You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!
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What is a chimp's
favourite Christmas carol?
Jungle Bells
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How do you
make a Gorilla laugh?
Tell it an elephant joke!
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Why did
King Kong climb the Empire State building?
Because he couldn’t fit in the elevator!
What do
you do with a blue monkey?
Cheer it up!
How do
you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana!
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What
is sweet smelling, but cheeky?
A chim-pansy!!
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Where
does a 20 stone gorilla sit?
Anywhere he wants. |
Why
did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
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Why do monkeys
get paid less than minimum wage?
Because they work for peanuts!
What happens
if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla?
I don’t know but if it opened its mouth to speak, you'd
listen!
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What do
you call an ape who likes lemon pies?
Meringue Utan!
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Why
do waiters like Gorillas more than flies?
Customers don’t complain about gorillas in their soup!
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A
baboon, a monkey, and a chicken were under an umbrella. Which
one got wet?
None of them, it wasn’t raining!
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What is
a orangutan's favorite biscuit?
Chocolate chimp.
What did
the monkey sing on Christmas day?
Jungle bells, Jungle bells…
What do
you call a Monkey in a tree?
A Branch Manager
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What
do you call a monkey who loves chips?
A chipmunk
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What
do you call a gorilla with a million quid?
a gorillionaire
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What
sound does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
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What do
you say to an ape who calls you on the phone?
Who-rang-utang?
Why do monkeys
carry their babies on their backs?
It would be a bit hard dragging a buggy up a tree.
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What
do you call an ape that likes to barbecue?
A grilla.
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My
brother recently adopted a chimp
Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.
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What
do you call six green apes?
A bunch of gr-apes!
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Why
did the first monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the first monkey.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
It got hit by the first two.
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Why
don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
They don’t have pockets.
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What
do you call a monkey that can’t keep a secret?
A blab-oon
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Today
I learnt that humans eat more bananas than monkeys
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
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