How does
a skeleton call her friends? On a telebone.
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Why does
Mr Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr Onion Rings.
When doesn't
a telephone work underwater?
When it's wringing wet!
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A man came
home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned
the fire brigade and shouted, "Hurry, my house is on fire!"
"OK,"
replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"in
your fire engine!"
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Why is an
engaged girl like a telephone?
Because they both have rings.
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What kind
of phone makes music?
A saxophone
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A teenage
girl had been talking on the phone for half an hour, and then
she hung up.
Her father said, "That was short. You usually talk for
two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
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My goodness,
Operator! Your nose is so stuffed up, I can't understand you.
You should really take something for that cold.
Good idea. I'll take the rest of the day off!
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Operator!
Operator! Call me an ambulance!
Okay, You're an ambulance!
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Fell asleep
on my smart phone the other day. I had downloaded a nap.
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What do
smart phones have for lunch?
Micro chips.
Why didn’t
the skeleton have a mobile? He had no body to talk to.
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My mobile
phone has a tuneless ring tone. It’s chordless.
I can’t
picture myself without a camera phone.
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What do
you get if you cross a phone with a rooster?
A wake-up call!
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How does
a barber make phone calls?
He usually cuts them short.
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Operator!
Operator! I don’t know what’s wrong with my phone,
but I can’t make long distance calls any longer!
Don’t worry. Your long distance calls are long enough
already!
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What do
you call an elephant in a phone box? Stuck.
What do
you get when you cross a telephone with a pair of pants? Bell-bottoms!
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How can
you tell if a bee is on the phone?
You get a buzzy signal.
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Finally!
I got through to the zoo! I've been trying to call for hours!
Yes, all our lions were busy!
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Who was
that on the phone, Fred?
No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance
from Australia, so I told him I knew that already and put the
phone down!
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What did
the man say when he got a big phone bill? “Who said talk
is cheap?”
When doesn’t
a telephone work underwater? When it’s wringing wet!
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What did
the pay phone say when the 10p got stuck inside it?
Money's tight these days!
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What do
you get if you cross a telephone with an iron?
A smooth operator!
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What is
the telephone’s favorite TV show?
Game of Phones!
Why do people
still have land lines?
To find their mobile phone when it goes missing!
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I got a
new mobile phone for my wife...
It was a pretty good swap!
What did
the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
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Why was
the phone wearing glasses?
He lost his contacts!
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Left
my phone under my pillow last night and when I woke up it was
gone and there was a pound coin there. I think it was the Bluetooth
fairy.
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Where do
phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
Why do birds
never make phone calls?
Because they might wing the wrong number!
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A small
boy swallows some coins and is taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephones to ask how he is, the nurse
tells her, “No change yet.”
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What kind
of trees are telegraph poles made from?
Tall ones
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Got a new
phone today.
My old one failed the swimming test
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Did you
hear about the guy who deleted all the Germanic contacts from
his mobile phone?
He wanted it to be Hans-Free.
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What
are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television. 2) Telephone. 3) Telawoman.
The
telephone is an instrument that lets us talk to people we don’t
want to meet.
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Which animals
spend the most time on the phone?
Yakkity Yaks.
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My
smart phone is now all I need to organize events in my life
My calendar's days are numbered.
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My cell
phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when
I look around, I'm still at work.
Sorry I
didn't pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ring
tone.
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A woman
came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper
round his head. 'What are you doing dear?' 'Swatting flies -
I got 3 males and 2 females' 'How do you know what sex they
were?' The man very confidently replied, "Easy - 3 were
on the beer and 2 were on the phone."
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A man walks
into work with both ears bandaged. The boss says, "What
happened to your ears?"
He says, "Yesterday I was ironing when the phone rang and
I accidentally answered the iron.
The boss says, "Well, what happened to your other ear?"
He said, “I had to call the doctor”.
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