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We
will start with our friends down under with Australian jokes. |
A
man walks into an Australian pet shop and asks the bloke behind
the counter "where do you keep the kangaroos mate?"
The bloke replies, "outback."
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An
Englishman goes through Australian immigration, the officer asks
him "Do you have a criminal record?" The Englishman
replies "Is that still a requirement?" |
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I went to
Australia and tried a Kangaroo beer
It tasted O.K. but it was too hoppy for me.
What did
the mother kangaroo say when she realized her baby was missing?
Someone picked my pocket.
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A
koala bear applied for a job at an office
He had amazing koalifications.
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The
boomerang is Australia's biggest export.
...and import.
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An
Australian calls Qantas Airlines to book his flight.
The operator asks him, 'How many people are flying with you?'
He replies, 'Strewth mate, how would I know. It's your plane.'
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What’s
a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
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An
Australian bought a new boomerang and spent the rest of his
life trying to get rid of the old one.
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What do
you call a penguin in the Australian outback?
Lost.
What do
you call a boomerang that won't,come back?
A stick
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What
do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato!
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What
kind of music do kangaroos listen to?
Hip Hop
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I was
on holiday in Sydney and saw this bloke with a didgeridoo
playing Dancing Queen. I thought, that's Abba-riginal
A
spider a snake and a kangaroo walked into a bar.
It was a normal day in Australia.
Why did
the emu cross the road
To prove it wasn't a chicken.
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What
do you call an Extraterrestrial from Melbourne?
An Austr-alien.
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Then
over to the orient with these Chinese jokes |
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A Chinese
kid asks his father: "Dad, why do they say all Chinese
people look alike?"
He replies: "I am not your dad"
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Did you
hear about the new oriental chocolate bar?
Its a Chinese Wispa.
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Which is
the odd one out, 12 15 32 or 47?
32, all the others are with boiled rice.
What do
you call a Chinese receptionist?
Tai Ping.
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Chinese
takeout, £15.00, petrol to get there, £1.50, getting
home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes, Riceless.
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What do
you call a Chinese person who gets on your nerves?
Anno Ying.
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Did you
hear about the Chinese rapper?
He was called Vanilla Rice.
What do
you call a Chinese Billionaire?
Cha Ching!
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What
do you call a Chinese crab?
A Crust-Asian
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What
do you call a Chinese man with a microwave on his head?
Ping!
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What
do you call a surprised Chinese man?
Ho Lee Mo Lee.
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How
Hi is a Chinese man and So Lo is his brother.
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Next,
over the channel for some French jokes |
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What
sport is played by angry French people?
Lacrosse
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French
Fries aren't cooked in France.
They're cooked in Greece. |
What does
the best man at a French wedding do?
Makes French Toast.
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What do
you call your angry French auntie?
A crossaunt
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Why do French
people eat snails?
Because they don't like fast food.
Never doubt
the courage of the French. They are the ones who discovered
they could eat snails.
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Why
do the French make omelettes with only one egg?
Because in France one egg is un oeuf.
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What
would The Proclaimers do if they were French?
They would walk 804.7 kilometres |
What do
you call a French man wearing sandals?
Philippe Phillop
The lady
cleaning people’s houses in exchange for French paintings
works hard for the Monet.
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Did
you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?
He was declared to be in Seine.
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What
would you call the Eiffel Tower if it fell over?
The I Fell Tower |
Next,
we stay in Europe with some German jokes |
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What
did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when got a role in a movie
as a German composer?
“I’ll be Bach”
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What
did the German boy say to his mother when he pushed his brother
off a cliff?
Look Ma, no Hans!
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What's a
German's favourite number?
Nein!
A man asks
the athlete "Are you a pole vaulter?". He replies,
"No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
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I
just deleted all the German names off my phone.
It’s Hans free.
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Why
do German football players do so well in maths?
They know how to use their heads. |
What did
the German goose say to his pal?
Goosen tag.
What's
the thinnest book in the world?
The German Humour book.
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My
new neighbour is a grumpy German.
I guess you could call him a sour Kraut.
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I‘m
developing a phobia of German sausage
I fear the wurst.
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Still
in Europe and down to the Mediterranean with some Italian jokes |
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My
Mum thinks I’m an idiot because I’m building my
own car out of spaghetti.
She won’t be laughing when I drive pasta!
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What
does Arnold Schwarzenegger say before eating spaghetti?
Pasta la vista, baby |
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How do you
make an Italian shut up?
Tie their hands together.
Where do
pepperonis go on holiday?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
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What
is an Italians favourite tea?
Spaghetea.
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Did
you hear about the Italian chef that died?
He pasta away |
My friend
told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian
island.
I said, “Don’t be Sicily.”
What
do you get if you cross pasta and a snake?
Spaghetti that wraps itself around the fork.
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What
do you call a Roman with a cold?
Julius Sneezer
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Customer:
How long will my spaghetti be?
Waiter: I don't know. I'll have to measure it.
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Still
on the Mediterranean with some Spanish jokes |
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What
moisturizer do Spanish bullfighters use?
OLAY
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What
do you call a Spaniard who lost his car?
Carlos! |
What do
Spaniards put under their carpets?Underlay, underlay!
What do
you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe?
Roberto
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How
many Spaniards does it take to change a light bulb?
Just Juan.
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What
do you call a Spanish girl with one tooth?
Juanita.
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If you
see a Spanish person tell them "mucho"
It means a lot to them
Did you
know its illegal to have a ballpoint pen in Spain?
That's the Spanish ink-position.
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What
do you call a Spanish person's favourite breed of dog?
A Cocker Español
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My
neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish. He still can't
say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
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Where
can you always find happy cats?
The Canary Islands
What bus
went from Spain to America
Columbus
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Why
shouldn't you have pets in Spain?
Because you can't leave your Catalonia.
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Did
you hear about the two Spanish Fire Fighters?
They were called Hose A and Hose B. |
Now
some more jokes from other European countries |
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How
did the Scandinavian countries communicate during WW2?
Norse code
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My
neighbour is always complaining about his Swedish car breaking
down.
I’m getting really tired of the Saab stories. |
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My poor
knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.
If a woman
from Iceland and a Cuban man marry and have children, will the
children be ice cubes?
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My
friend just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours
to vacuum the house.
Turns out she was a Slovak.
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There's
a country in Europe where they don't accept cash, visa card or
contactless.
It’s the Cheque Republic. |
What do
you call a Scandinavian who only eats plants?
A Nor-vegan!
Want to
hear a Scandinavian joke?
Never mind. There’s Norway I could Finnish it.
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Nothing
beats the Swedish summer...
it's simply the best day of the year.
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How
do you make a swiss roll?
Push him down a hill.
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I read that
the Icelandic alphabet doesn't have a 'Z' in it.
How do they sleep at night?
How do you
win a Scandinavian race?
By crossing the Finnish line!
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Did
you hear about the shop that sold Dutch cheese and doughnuts?
It’s a hole food shop.
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I
have a European friend who likes to play chess.
Or as I like to call him, my Czech mate. |
And
a few jokes from South America |
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How
many people live in South America?
At least one Brazillion
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What
do you call a girl from South American who is always in a hurry?
URGENT-TINA. |
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Argentina
is surprisingly cold...It’s bordering on Chile.
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What is
the biscuit capitol of Brazil?
Oreo di Janiero.
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So
you're telling me that you're from the 5th largest country in
South America?
I don't Bolivia
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What
do you call someone who thinks they are the capital of Venezuela?
Caracas |
Finally,
we compiled a list of U.S.A. Jokes. You won't like them! |
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They
are so awful we decided not to let you see them.
Nobody has anything good to say about the United States of America
just now and most of the jokes are about the bad things going
on there.
If you are sure you want to see them you can press the button
below but don't say you haven't been warned.
If you are absolutely sure you
want to see the U.S.A. jokes press the button

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